Shared by Maggie Gottlieb

I met the Bokenkamps when I began babysitting for them around 2015, and I was immediately struck by how friendly, fun, and tight-knit they seemed as a family.

At times, I was ill-equipped to keep up with Jackson (and Ella) athletically or while trying to help with math homework. Instead, we had fun playing board games, doing crafts, and getting up to various hijinx (see attached photos for a typical night, creating a pseudo-nature documentary with an anole and some crickets in the family bathroom)…

One particular occasion shaped my impression of Jackson as a person of character. While Jackson, Ella, and I were playing a game of H-O-R-S-E in the front driveway, Ella attempted to make an impressive shot. Jackson playfully blocked the ball from going into the hoop, a maneuver not listed (to my knowledge) in the actual rules of the game. Ella was, understandably, upset and ran back into the house crying. Without a word — or barely even a quick knowing glance — from the babysitter, Jackson followed his sister into the house.

I followed behind, wondering what kind of sibling drama would unfold. Instead, what I found was one of the most astonishing and heartening interactions I have ever witnessed between two kids. As Ella cried, hunched over just inside her closet, she still managed to coherently expressing her frustration with Jackson’s moment of “sabotage.” Jackson didn’t argue with her or defend his actions. Instead, he listened to her. He apologized without being told. He rubbed her back to comfort her. As the de facto authority in Jon and Kathy’s absence, there was nothing I needed to do. The teaching moment had clearly happened long ago.

At the time, I attributed Jackson’s noteworthy character to his solid upbringing along with Jon and Kathy’s Midwest values. Now, I know that some things simply cannot be taught. Jackson was the type of person who cared and who wanted to make things right. He already knew how to repair the relationship, and soon, when the moment had passed, we were back in the driveway having fun again.

During this unthinkable time, I’m holding this memory in my heart and sending love to Jon, Kathy, Ella, and everyone who knew Jackson.